Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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