Buhtt sex?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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