your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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