I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize