Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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