You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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