I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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