Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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