I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize