Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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