Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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