She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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