fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize