I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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