I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize