I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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