....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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