Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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