who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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