I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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