Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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