Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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