Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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