The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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