You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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