Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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