i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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