actually, I'm a sock model
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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