did you get engaged???
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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