Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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