Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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