Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize