Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
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Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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