why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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