Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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