then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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