meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize