Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize