Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize