You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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