also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize