I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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