I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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