You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize