here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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