I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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