I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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