Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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