literally had 100 drinks last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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