you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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